A Flight Attendant on the Unwritten Rules for Unoccupied Middle Seats on a Plane

An empty middle seat in your airplane row is a gift, especially when the hustle and bustle of the airport can make you feel like you’re inside a pinball machine. When the cabin crew finally announces those magic words — “boarding complete” — and the seat next to you is left unfilled, you know you won’t be bumping elbows with a stranger for the duration of your flight. Plus, you now have bonus real estate: more underseat storage, extra leg room, additional tray table space, a spare seatback pocket, and even another seat to put some miscellany, like the airplane pillow or your jacket. Or, do you?

Empty middle seat etiquette is a common thread on Reddit, with travelers speculating about what is fair when the space between you and another traveler is unoccupied.

As a frequent traveler, I had a recent experience that made me question my own assumptions about what is respectful behavior when it comes to an empty middle seat. Seated by the window — with my fellow traveler in the aisle, the both of us working on our laptops — I lowered the middle seat tray table when the beverage cart started rolling toward us. It’s 50/50 when it comes to the extra space, I have always believed. We can both use the space for our drinks, right? However, my seatmate went a step further and politely asked whether it would be OK to place her drink there.

Did I inadvertently claim the tray table as solely for my own use by lowering it?

“I’m going to guess she flew a lot,” said John, a flight attendant with Delta Air Lines, who preferred not to disclose his last name. “That shows a lot of situational awareness.”

John, as well as travel etiquette expert Dean Foster, author of “The Global Etiquette Guides,” spoke with Travel + Leisure about what is advisable — and safe — when it comes to bonus middle seat space between travelers.

It’s not first-come, first-served.

According to John, a common misconception among passengers is it’s simply a race to claim any free space when a middle seat is empty. “First-come, first-served is absolutely not a rule,” he said. Neither the person who first occupied the row, nor the first person to shove their bag under the middle seat, is automatically entitled to it.

“There’s nothing that protects that thinking in terms of ‘I got here first, so I get to use it,’” he added. So, if a flight attendant is called to mediate a dispute about extra space, don’t expect to invoke that logic with any success.

Be aware of safety considerations.

Don’t assume that, as means of dividing up the extra space equally, one of you can use the underseat storage while the other can use the seat.

“It’s cool if you want to put the airline pillow or blanket there, if you don’t intend to use them,” said John, adding that both passengers can take advantage of this. A jacket may also be placed on the middle seat, but nothing heavy can stay there at length for safety reasons, especially during takeoff and landing. “Sometimes, people will place a heavy backpack on the seat and put a seatbelt on it — that doesn’t work either,” he noted. “If you hit turbulence, that bag will fly in the air and potentially hit somebody.”

Consider personal space.

While an entire row to yourself is yours to get extremely comfortable in, when it’s simply an unoccupied middle seat, “I wouldn’t move into it physically in any significant way,” said Foster, who explained this can feel intrusive to the other passenger, even if they weren’t planning to lay down or put their feet up themselves.

With an empty middle seat, you both get a little extra space for stretching out, crossing your legs, or leaning your head on the edge of the unoccupied headrest, but avoid negative energy or a potential altercation by not overtly extending yourself into a space that should be shared.

Communication is key.

Whether or not you like to engage in conversation with your fellow passengers, a little polite communication goes a long way when it comes to sharing bonus space equitably.

“Depending on whether or not you’re talking to the person, it’s not an overly forward gesture to ask whether they mind if you use the underseat space, or put a small item on the seat,” said John. “Anybody would respect that you didn’t just assume it was OK.”

Even for gestures that may benefit you both, like mutually using the middle tray table or putting up the flight map on the extra seatback screen, “don’t assume what the other person might take to be your best intent, but rather state it,” said Foster.

If language is a barrier, some gesturing and body language can be useful and polite. “You can still make your intent clear,” said Foster. “You’re not having a conversation about astrophysics; you’re having a conversation about where you might put your bag.”

Enjoy the flight.

“A heightened sense of humility and going out of your way for the other person, particularly on an airplane where it’s crowded, can help avoid a lot of problems,” said Foster. “So, taking the initiative in this is important, and it’s always my experience that it’s appreciated. And then you have a much more comfortable and enjoyable flight because the tension around any of the issues that could come up with this stuff is just eliminated.”