When thinking of a ‘relationship contract’, for many of us, a prenup – which states how assets will be divided if a marriage breaks down and very much focuses on practicalities rather than romance – will spring to mind.
But it appears Gen Z are no longer waiting for their nuptials to draw up agreements with both parties vowing ‘not to hurt each other’s feelings’, ‘celebrate anniversaries’, ‘never cheat on each other’ and ‘never get bored of one another’.
Videos showing handwritten negotiations – sometimes decorated with markers and gel pens – have flooded social media, with users claiming it means they’re now ‘locked in’ with their partner.
Married couples such as Hunter & Devin of @thecordlefamily also shared their story of how a ‘relationship contract’ helped their relationship stay on track when they were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school.
‘I made him sign his signature,’ she giggled, showing piece of notebook paper written in pen, stating she will love God first, and him second. ‘Look, it worked! You didn’t break the contract, you abided by it.’
There’s a new trend among Generation Z that involves drawing up contracts with both parties being asked to agree to terms such as ‘not hurt each other’s feelings’ and ‘celebrate anniversaries’
‘I guess you’re right,’ he agreed.
Other examples of the agreements are more colourful – TikToker @lillian_heinze shared one adorned with pink highlighter and hearts.
Clauses include serious promises, like ‘never giving up on each other’, and more lighthearted expectations, such as ‘posting’ one another on social media.
Elsewhere, @user165237580 shared a clip making her boyfriend sign one ‘because they’re locked in for life’.
While most appear fun and jokey in nature, influencer @loulouorange recently shared a video explaining how she and her boyfriend only have one month of the year where they can break up.
‘We’re not allowed to discuss whether we plan to renew before May, but I can always tell my bf is a ‘yes’ when he randomly starts doing the dishes every April (very transparently trying to lock down my ‘yes’),’ she wrote as the caption.
In the video she talks about the various commitments that couples undertake throughout the year, such as weddings, birthdays and anniversaries – and how breaking up with these in the diary can be difficult.
Instead the couple have a ‘break-up window’, where they can decide to call things off, if desired, when their lease is up for renewal.
While it’s unclear whether the TikTokker is being fully serious, it’s a subject that’s resonated with her followers.
‘This is smart,’ wrote one follower. While another said, ‘I don’t know if this would make me feel safe, trapped, or anxious that my partner is forcing themselves to stay with me when they’re not really not happy.’
While another commented, ‘I could never view my relationship as a business contract.’
As well as being an extremely formal way for a couple to communicate, drawing up a contract can lead to other issues, sex and relationship therapist Rhian Kivits told FEMAIL.
Handwritten ‘love contracts’ are being used to show Gen Z couples’ commitment to one another
Married couples such as Hunter & Devin of @thecordlefamily also shared their story of how a ‘relationship contract’ helped their relationship stay on track
The US couple pledged ‘God first, you second’ in a handwritten contract that went all the way back to high school
‘The problem here is that there is a risk the couple will hold the love contract against each other if things don’t go to plan – promoting rigidity and blame in the relationship,’ she explained.
Rhian also felt that the concept of a ‘love contract’ lacks maturity, as it leaves little room for flexibility.
‘Never getting bored of each other is also an unhelpful clause within the contract,’ the expert added.
‘When a couple is committed to their relationship, they tend to work on their connection and take action to make sure that things don’t go stale.
‘But the promise made within this love contract doesn’t take into account the way that our feelings and aspirations can evolve over time. This seems to lack flexibility and maturity.’
Rhian was also dubious about couples agreeing to be faithful to one another via a contract.
‘Never cheating on each other might reflect the couple’s commitment to fidelity and loyalty,’ she explained.
‘But in practice, those who want to cheat are unlikely to be deterred because they’ve signed a hand-written piece of paper.
‘We know infidelity happens within many marriages, and so I don’t believe the love contract provides any true protection or security.’
Rhian suggested that it may even be a reaction to the flurry of celebrity cheating scandals and high-profile breakups dominating headlines.
‘They don’t think well of cheating and other poor behaviours in relationships, and they want control over their own lives, experiences and reputations as a result of what they’re perceiving online,’ she expressed.
However, the expert wasn’t completely adverse to the idea of a relationship contract, stating that its success lies in choosing realistic terms that don’t dictate behaviours.
‘The idea of a relationship contract is not new. In fact, in therapy, I often talk with couples about their contract, because every relationship is a contract, whether this is unspoken, or more explicitly acknowledged,’ she continued.
‘When the contract is explicitly discussed, it means that we are aware of each other’s wishes, boundaries and expectations and therefore we are aware of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable within the relationship.
‘Pledges like choosing honesty, kindness, taking time to nurture the relationship, exploring new things together, developing healthy communication, listening to each other, solving problems together and choosing to grow together are healthier.’
